Marathon

               When I tell people that I'm a runner, this is usually how the conversation goes:

Me: Yeah, I run a lot. It's definitely my favorite thing to do.
Them: Oh, so you like, run marathons and stuff?
Me: Well, no...I've run 5 halfs. And I do lots of 5Ks.

          People toss around the word "marathon" like it's the normal race for people who run. Even my parents get confused and call my half marathons  marathons. In case anyone was wondering, 26.2 miles is really, really far, and it takes someone special to be able to run it; trained or not. Hopefully after this weekend, I can say yes, I do run marathons. In fact, I may even call myself a "marathoner" for a few weeks.
                             However, I'm definitely not going into this race as I had planned. I've barely run at all the past month due to a hamstring injury. I went from being in the best shape of my life to hobbling into the pool for long swims. Talk about a disappointment. Immediately upon my injury, I was angry and considered all of my hard work and 2:30+ runs a waste of time. But then I realized that I was forgetting something. I have run 3 PR's in a span of 2 months and have ran faster than I ever thought was possible. Marathon training has showed me a glimmer of my potential, and now I'm hungry for more. I feel strong, confident, and happy during every run. Quite the improvement from my race-quitting high school days.
                          Anyway, I'm no longer in pain, but now I find myself cast with a shadow of doubt. I've ran my standard mid-distance route twice this week, and while my pace was comparable to my pre-injury runs, my legs are definitely not as strong as they were. It feels almost as if I've forgotten how to run. I was somewhat sore the day after my first run of 5 miles on Monday...how am I going to feel after running 26.2??
                        This race is going to be a real test of my mental strength. When the going gets tough, am I going to be able to push through it? What if the injury comes back? What if I can't find a porta potty before the race starts? (okay, that last one has been  a fear of mine ever since I started training for this thing)  I knew that the marathon was going to be my biggest challenge yet, but this hammy has added a new twist to the plot. I find myself in a sea of worry, and I'm starting to feel seasick.
                        It kills me to know that I probably won't nail the time that I know I was capable of four weeks ago. However, that won't stop me from trying. I saw my doctor once this thing flared up, and he suggested that I try to walk-run it. Pfft. I didn't pay $160 and run my legs off to putz around Disneyland at 5:45 am Jan. 8th. If it comes down to that, I definitely want to finish. I never want a DNF next to my name, unless I lost a limb along the way.
                     Right now, I'm just trying to remind myself that sometimes greatness can be found in the most unexpected of places. I'm trying to believe that this race can still go well, even though all of the signs point the other way. Successful or not, I think it will be a great experience for me. After all, isn't it illegal to sulk in the happiest place on earth?